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Is A Computer Male or Female?
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A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should d efinitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
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Our New Favorite
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After
every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with
the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some (supposedly) actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By
the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P:
Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P:
Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P:
Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P:
Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P:
Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P:
Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P:
DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P:
Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P:
IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P:
Suspected crack in windshield.
S:
Suspect you're right.
P:
Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P:
Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P:
Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P:
Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And
the best one for
last... P:
Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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THE
10 COMMANDMENTS OF EMAIL Thou shalt include a clear and specific
subject line.
Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the
minimum thou needest.
Thou shalt read thine own message thrice
before thou sendest it.
Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might
react to thy message.
Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy
grammar.
Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE
ALL CAPS.
Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.
Thou shalt not use e-mail for any illegal
or unethical purpose.
Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of
e-mail, especially from work.
When in doubt, save thy message overnight
and reread it in the light of the dawn.
That which thou findest hateful to receive,
sendest thou not unto others.
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Byte Slaves' Previous Favorite
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I can't respond to any emails today. Something has crashed on my computer and the mouse is missing!
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Not Bad
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Dear Geek Squad,
I recently purchased an HP Printer, and when I am in the
room watching it, it works perfectly. However, nearly every time I leave
it unattended, the papers come out wrinkled, sometimes even shredded, with
blurred ink. If I re-start the print job and baby-sit it, there
are no problems. You can imagine that this has been very frustrating, and
I would appreciate one of your technicians coming out to fix whatever the
problem is.
Thank you,
Dave Larson
RESPONSE FROM GEEK SQUAD
Dave,
Thank you for contacting the Geek Squad. As you know,
one of our top technicians was dispatched t o investigate your printer problem.
His initial findings mirrored your experience, so he set up a hidden
camera to document what was causing the paper disruption. Please review
the attached video, and thanks again for your business. And for the
laughs we all had upon discovering the source of your problem. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QvofkIIlLk
Sincerely,
Mark Donaldson
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